


Comfort Crowd

by schmulte



Category: Red White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston
Genre: Eventual Romance, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mostly Fluff, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, a sprinkle of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 00:20:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29251356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schmulte/pseuds/schmulte
Summary: But today. Today the universe is playing its worst prank yet. Because not only has fate cruelly given him a crush on possibly the most unattainable person at his school, but it also pushed them together in the most inconvenient of ways. And today must be the final nail in Henry’s coffin, because the perfect, beautiful boy sitting across from him has just opened his mouth and said:“We should date.”Firstprince fake dating/To All The Boys au!
Relationships: Alex Claremont-Diaz/Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor
Comments: 60
Kudos: 138





	1. Think About It

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cmere](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cmere/gifts).



> @Cmere requested some fluff and I live to serve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy black history month! Make sure you show some love to POC creators and take some time to educate yourself! I recommend Just Mercy if you're looking for a book this month. :)

Sometimes Henry thinks the world is out to get him. 

The thought first crossed his mind when he was ten, when his pet goldfish died. Then again at thirteen, when most boys his age were spending their time thinking about girls, and no matter how hard he tried, he could not. When he was fourteen and his father died. When his mother decided to uproot their lives and move permanently to America for a ‘fresh start.’ When he learned only one out of two siblings is supportive of his sexuality.

But today. Today the universe is playing its worst prank yet. Because not only has fate cruelly given him a crush on possibly the most unattainable person at his school, but it also pushed them together in the most inconvenient of ways. And today must be the final nail in Henry’s coffin, because the perfect, beautiful boy sitting across from him has just opened his mouth and said:

“We should date.”

Said unattainable boy is none other than Alex Claremont-Diaz, whom Henry has been pining over for the past three years. He is everything that Henry is not; naturally charismatic, charming, outgoing, the life of every party. Captain of the lacrosse team  _ and _ the debate team, editor of the school newspaper, future valedictorian. The only piece not falling into his perfect puzzle is his Creative Writing grade, which Mr. Luna had sought to fix by assigning his best student as Alex’s tutor. For the first time, Henry resented his writing skills. 

Four weeks earlier, Henry started tutoring Alex after school in the library. And two weeks after that, Alex had had a large- and very public -breakup with his on-again off-again boyfriend, Liam. Henry had felt guiltily elated at the time; not that he actually stood any chance with Alex, single or otherwise. Liam had immediately moved on to a new boyfriend at their rival school named Spencer, but rumor had it that Alex was still pining. Is still pining. Severely. 

Which is why Henry nearly spits water all over his notebook as the words _ we should date  _ repeat over and over again in his head. Alex seems completely unfazed, head tilted a little in what Henry can only think of as concern that he nearly choked. 

“Come again?”

Alex leans in a little bit across the table, arms folded in front of him, voice hushed. Henry swallows down the lump in his throat. “Think about it. It’s the perfect way to make Liam jealous.”

Henry’s heart drops down to his stomach. Of course. Of course this is about Liam. How could it be about anyone but Liam.

“I don’t understand.”

“You and me, we, y’know, we pretend to date. It’s the perfect plan- I’ll do all the things Liam wanted me to do when we were dating, and he’ll be so jealous he’ll have to take me back.”

Henry raises an eyebrow. “Why me specifically? You have plenty of friends. Nora, for example.”

Alex waves his hand in the air, as if brushing the thought away. “He won’t be surprised by Nora, she won’t make him jealous enough. It has to be you.” 

“Oh, I see,” Henry scoffs and folds his arms across his chest, the spell of the crush completely broken and replaced by mild irritation. “Because I’m not popular like you, is that it? He wouldn’t expect you to stoop so low? To take pity on those below you on the social hierarchy?”

“No! No, it’s nothing like that,” his eyes widen frantically as Henry stands up and begins packing his things. “Henry, wait--”

“I may not have as many friends as you, Alex,” he snaps. “But that doesn’t mean I’m worth any less. Get your essay on Vonnegut turned in by tomorrow.”

His plan to stalk off dramatically does not go as well as he’d hoped. It’s pouring rain outside and the steep incline out of the school parking lot is brutal on his bike. He tries to ignore the sound of the car slowly pulling up next to him, opting to push his wet bangs away from his forehead and keep his eyes on the road. 

“Henry, you can’t bike home in this!” he hears Alex shout over a clap of thunder. “Let me give you a ride home at least.”

He’s right, and he curses him for it. There’s no way he’s getting home in this weather without freezing to death. Still, he won’t give Alex the satisfaction. 

“No thank you! I have a fondness for the rain!”

The car follows him over the crest of the hill, slowing when he stops to catch his breath. 

“You’ll freeze to death out here. Will you stop being stubborn and just get in the car? Please?”

Henry finally turns to look. Alex has the car stopped and he’s leaning halfway out the window, getting his own hair wet in the process. The look on his face is genuine and pleading- it’s not a look many people have seen, not on Alex Claremont-Diaz. Despite himself, a little shiver runs up Henry’s spine at the thought of being the only who’s seen Alex like this. Open, begging, pink lower lip jutted out ever so slightly. He puts his bike in the trunk and gets in the car. 

The heated leather seat feels heavenly against his soaked skin, and he’s barely buckled his seatbelt by the time Alex has a towel wrapped around him. Henry quirks an eyebrow. 

“You just keep towels in your car?”

Alex shrugs, his usual charismatic smile plastered back on. Henry can’t help but notice how it doesn't reach his eyes. “I like to be prepared.” They drive in silence for a moment, before Alex starts to squirm and speaks again. “Why do you ride that thing everywhere anyway? I know you have a car.”

Henry wraps himself tighter in his towel; it’s soft and smells like Alex. “American driving is still a difficult concept for me. I think the instructor gave me my license out of pity.”

Alex nods sagely as if Henry has just spoken words of wisdom and not just admitted he’s a bad driver. “Ah, I see.” There’s more silence, and more of Alex’s squirming. He taps his left foot in tune with the windshield wipers. “Look, I’m sorry. What I said...I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Then what did you mean?”

“Liam, he,” Alex sighs. “He thinks I’m some kind of playboy- which I’m not, I’d never, ever cheat on him, ever. But when we break up, I can get kind of...I tend to date people who aren’t good for me. But you, you’re-you’re a genuine person, y’know? You’re nice and wholesome and  _ good _ . I thought if he saw us together- if he thought someone as good as you would date me -maybe he’d see I’m not what he thinks I am. Maybe he’d want me back.”

Henry doesn’t speak a word. For a moment, the only sounds are the tapping of the rain and Alex’s ragged breathing. He’s let that exterior crack again, revealing a sliver of genuine, unpleasantly real emotion. 

And Henry knows he shouldn’t be doing this. He knows that he’ll get invested and forget it’s all pretend, and Alex will break his heart. But being able to see this Alex, this real Alex who’s not always happy, always smiling, always cheerful...how could he say no to that?

Before he gets out of the car, he turns back to Alex and takes another look at that beautifully imperfect expression. He can’t stop the words that come before he closes the car door.

“I’ll think about it.”

  
  



	2. The First Rule of Fight Club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m sorry,” Pez says through a mouthful of popcorn. “He asked you to what?”

“I’m sorry,” Pez says through a mouthful of popcorn. “He asked you to what?”

Henry sighs. It’s the third time he’s had to repeat himself in the past hour; when he invited Pez over for pizza and a movie, he didn’t expect it to turn into an interrogation. 

He leans over the edge of the bed to peer at where Pez is sprawled on the floor. His best- and only - friend since he moved to America, Pez is a constant in Henry’s life. It was only natural for Henry to tell him what had happened between him and Alex. Unfortunately, Pez doesn’t seem to be up to offering the sage advice Henry so desperately needs. 

“Pez, I told you,” Henry sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “It’s just to make Liam jealous.”

“You aren’t seriously considering this are you?”

Henry keeps his mouth shut. 

The truth is, he is seriously considering going along with Alex’s plan. He’s been weighing the pros and cons in his head ever since Alex dropped him off at home the other day. On one hand, the opportunity to spend ungodly amounts of time with his crush, and all that entails. On the other hand, an almost guaranteed future heartbreak. 

“Hen,” Pez sits up straight and meets his eye. “Tell me you aren’t thinking about actually doing this.” When Henry stays silent once again, Pez groans and throws his arms up in the air. “Henry. As much as I’d love your instant popularity boost and the lack of shoving into lockers it would grant me, you can not do this.”

“What’s the worst that could happen?”

Pez sputters. “What’s the- Haz. Alex Claremont-Diaz is a player. A player you’ve been in love with since you were fourteen. He will break. Your. Heart.”

“I know! I know, I just...I saw something in him when he asked me, something real, and I just thought...I think...what if this is my only chance?”

Pez sighs and crawls up on the bed and wraps Henry up in his arms, planting a kiss to his temple. “Oh, Henry. You sweet, sweet thing. You can do so much better than a fake relationship with Alex Claremont-Diaz.”

Henry swallows and avoids Pez’s gaze. “What if I can’t?” Pez only sighs again and rests his chin on the top of Henry’s curls. 

“I can’t tell you what to do. Just...be careful, alright?”

Henry only nods. Careful with his actions, sure. Careful with his heart...he’ll have to see. 

On Monday, he marches straight to the library after school and throws his books on the table where a sleeping Alex is waiting. He jerks awake at the sound of the books, rubs his bleary eyes in a nauseatingly adorable way that makes Henry’s poor knees weak. Steeling his resolve, he clears his throat and sits down across from Alex with princely posture. 

“Okay. If we’re going to do this, we need to set some ground rules.”

Alex straightens up at that, runs a hand through sleep-mussed curls, brown eyes blown wide. “Seriously? You’re in?”

“With conditions,” Henry clarifies. He opens up a notebook and writes RULES at the top, earning a raised eyebrow from Alex. “okay?” 

Alex nods, looking a little like a deer caught in the headlights. “Yeah. Yeah, of course. What are the rules?”

Rules for Henry & Alex’s Fake Relationship 

  1. No kissing




“Woah, woah, woah. What do you have against kissing?”

Henry feels the blush rising in his cheeks and swallows. “I’ve, er. I haven’t…I’ve never kissed anyone before. I know it’s a little silly, but I want my first kiss to be...real. I don’t want it to be pretend.”

Surprisingly, Alex just nods solemnly. No protesting, no trying to flirt. It’s nice, seeing this genuine side of Alex. “Okay. That’s fair. But how are people going to believe we’re together if I’m not allowed to kiss you?”

“You could kiss my hand?”

Alex lets out a laugh, earning a glare from the librarian that he shrinks away from. “You’re a strange person, Henry, you know that?”

“What?” Henry’s ears are hot, and to be honest, he feels a little miffed. The librarian still looks angry, so he leans down and whisper-yells. “It’s romantic! It’ll be like Pride and Prejudice.” Alex raises an eyebrow. “You haven’t read Pride and Prejudice?”

“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a science and history person, not an english person.”

“Okay, it’s going on the list.”

1 _. No kissing_

_1\. Hand kisses permitted_

2 _. Pride and Prejudice_

“Oh come on, you’re assigning me a book report?”

“I think you’ll manage.”

3 _. This is a secret- no telling anyone_

_1\. Pez exempt_

“Cool, like Fight Club.”

“Never seen it.”

“Never seen-? Give me that list.”

4. _Fight Club_

5 _. Henry must go on the Ski Trip with Alex_

“I’m sorry, the ski trip? Absolutely not.”

The infamous school ski trip. Every December, a bus full of horny teenagers embarks on a weekend-long trip to the mountains. More kids lose their virginities on the trip than at prom and senior week combined. Henry has never been. 

“Oh, don’t argue with me, Fox, you’re going. Come on, it’ll drive Liam nuts.”

“Fine. If we’re still keeping this up by December, I’ll come on the ski trip with you. Anything else?”

Alex hesitates. “I could...I could write you notes. Liam always wanted me to and I never did, he’ll hate it.”

Henry nods and writes it down. By the end of their study session, they have a completed list. They shake hands over it, and when Alex drives Henry home, it’s commemorated with a chaste kiss on the hand. 

**_Rules for Henry & Alex’s Fake Relationship_ **

  1. _No kissing_

    1. _Hand kissing permitted_

  2. _Pride and Prejudice_

  3. _This is a secret- not telling anyone_

    1. _Pez Exempt_

  4. _Fight Club_

  5. _Henry must go on the Ski Trip with Alex_

  6. _Henry must attend all of Alex’s lacrosse games and parties_

  7. _Alex must drive Henry to and from school_





	3. Et tu, Bea?

News spreads fairly quickly after that. One well-placed kiss on the hand in the middle of the hall and a note slipping into Henry’s back pocket had the whole school buzzing by homeroom. The two of them walking hand-in-hand during passing period started rumors; Alex casually draping himself across Henry’s lap at lunch sealed the deal. By the end of the day, the entire school was convinced of their charade. 

It was strange, for Henry to walk through the halls and make direct eye contact and say polite hellos back to people he’d never spoken to in all three years. Some people were nicer, some regarded him with upturned frowns and unpleasant scowls. Before, Henry had felt under the radar, invisible to everyone around him. For the first time since he came to America, all the attention was on him. 

Now, he whistles and bakes cupcakes in the safety of his home kitchen, Bea leaned forward with her elbow on the island and her chin in her hand. She has this smirk on her face and a twinkle in her eye, the kind that says I _ know what you’re up to  _ sometimes even before Henry knows what it is he’s supposedly up to. 

He catches her eye over the kitchenaid, frowns at the smug, all-knowing grin. There’s only so much he can take before he has to throw down his spoon in frustration and fold his arms over his flour-covered chest. 

“What?”

Bea feigns innocence. “What?”

“You’re looking at me.”

“Am I not allowed to look at you?”

“Not with that face.”

She only shrugs, frustrating Henry more and turning the tips of his ears red. “You just look...happy.”

He blinks. “Is that new?”

“A little,” she hums. “I don’t know. Just different. A good difference.”

Henry puts his cupcakes in the oven. He supposes he  _ has  _ been happier for the past couple days. Since he started fake-dating Alex. But he shakes his head, more to himself than anything, because there’s no possible reason that that’s the reason he’s felt better. It’s probably just the after-effects; Pez isn’t getting shoved into lockers anymore, and Henry is actually getting some positive attention from his classmates. It has nothing to do with Alex himself. Nothing at all.

The doorbell rings, and before Henry can stop her, Bea is already at the door and saying  _ he’s just inside, it’s so nice to meet one of Henry’s friends,  _ and Alex is smiling and saying, _ actually, I’m his boyfriend. _ So by the time they arrive in the kitchen, Alex and Bea are both grinning at each other like co-conspirators sharing an evil plan. An evil plan that will surely result in Henry’s imminent demise. 

“Whoa,” Alex looks Henry’s attire up and down. “Did a bakery explode in here?”

Henry’s voice comes out as an embarrassing squeak. “Alex. What are you doing here?”

His beautiful eyebrows turn downwards in a frown. “Didn’t you read my note?” 

Henry hadn’t. He’d assumed it was blank or just mindless scribbles and tossed it in a cardboard box in his room. He shakes his head no and wipes off his hands with a dish towel. 

“We’re going to Nora’s party tonight.”

He freezes. “Oh, no we’re not.”

“We are. C’mon, Hen, it’ll be fun!” 

So they’re already on a nickname basis, are they? It’s embarrassing, the rush of adrenaline it gives him, but it’s not enough to force him to go to this party. Absolutely not.

“I can’t,” he flounders, desperately looks over at his sister. “I have to drive Bea to work.”

Bea gives him another one of her patented looks, the one that says  _ you’re a horrible liar.  _ “No he doesn’t. Henry, go upstairs and get changed, you look like a crazy person.”

And suddenly Bea is pushing him up the stairs and Alex is smiling and making small talk and Henry is shutting the door to his room before either of them can hear the mumble of  _ Et tu, Bea?  _ under his breath. 

Alex drives them, of course, and he blasts his horrible music the entire way and sings terribly off key, and it’s only a little bit adorable. The party is already going by the time they arrive at the party, but Henry drags his feet behind, hoping to slow them down. 

“C’mon, Fox, it’s in the contract.” Alex teases. “It’ll be fun. Here, give me your phone.”

“My wha--” He barely has time to get the words out before Alex snatches it from his grip and takes a selfie. Henry folds his arms over his chest, unimpressed. “What are you doing?”

“This,” he shows Henry the selfie. “Is your new phone background.”

Henry raises an eyebrow. “And what’s your phone background?”

Alex rolls his eyes, that stupid cocky smirk lifting the corner of his lips. “You already know.” He opens up his own phone and shows Henry the lock screen. And oh. Henry’s heart just about stops. 

It shouldn’t be that big of a deal. It’s just a candid photo- Henry smiling and laughing at something Pez said at lunch the other day, a picture taken when he wasn’t paying attention. But it melts his heart, just a little bit, to think about Alex noticing. About Alex thinking it’s a good enough moment to take a photo. About him becoming his phone background so quickly. And then Alex is taking his hand in his, and he’s putty in his hands. 

He gets dragged through the throng of people, watching Alex put on that charming smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes and say hello, fist bump people. It’s incredible, how he can transition so fast to sweet, sensitive Alex to popular, charismatic Alex in the blink of an eye. It’s also a little concerning. 

He’s abandoned in the living room so Alex can go get drinks, and the next thing he knows he’s being absorbed by teenagers and finds himself sitting next to an irritated looking Liam. Henry swallows hard and shifts a little in his seat as Liam looks him over. 

“So,” he starts. “You and Alex?”

“Oh,” he clears his throat. “Yes.”

“When did that happen?  _ How _ did that happen?”

It might be the party, or the lingering imprint of Alex’s hand in his, or the phone background, but something in Henry pulls a little bit. Not exactly snaps; just gets stretched a little taught. He smiles pleasantly. “I don’t really see how that’s your business, Liam.”

Liam only rolls his eyes. “He’s  _ my _ boyfriend.”

“Ex boyfriend actually. You’re the one who broke up with him, after all.”

“Hm,” he stands, and Henry struggles against the feeling of being very small. “Whatever. I’m getting a drink. Can I get you anything? Like a juice box, or a chocolate milk…”

“No, I’m fine,” then he adds, just to see the look on Liam’s face. “Alex has actually gone to get me a drink. But it’s so nice of you to offer.”

Liam turns just as Alex hands Henry a cup over the top of the couch and jumps over the back to sit next to him, greeting him with a _ what’s up baby  _ that has Henry feeling like he’s walking on clouds. But then he sees the way Alex is looking at Liam walking away, and he’s brutally reminded that clouds are just water vapor as he falls back to earth. He takes a sip of his drink and almost spits it out. 

“Christ- why is this beer so vinegary?”

Alex laughs, though it’s a little strained, and he switches their cups. “It’s not. Kombucha is though. I’m driving, remember?”

“You drink kombucha?”

“It’s good for your digestion.” He says this as if it isn’t the strangest thing in the world that Alex Claremont-Diaz, star player and captain of the lacrosse team, drinks  _ kombucha  _ of all things at parties. 

To be honest, the party isn’t really all that bad. Alex is charming if a little fake, the people (besides Liam) are nice, and Henry gets pleasantly buzzed. They take a few selfies and he dares to kiss Alex’s cheek, and it’s not until he’s being dropped off that he remembers it’s all pretend, because Alex doesn’t give him a goodnight kiss like a boyfriend should. Needless to say, it dampens the buzz just a bit. 

"Hey," Alex asks with dripping sincerity, and Henry wants to punch him. "you okay?"

"Yeah," he lies. "I'm fine. Goodnight, Alex."

"Woah, woah, woah, hey," he rests a gentle hand on Henry's arm. The skin there burns from the contact. "let's get something to eat before you go home, huh? I don't think your sister would appreciate me dropping you off drunk with no food in your stomach." 

Henry doesn't have the energy to argue. They end up at the little diner just down the street from his house, sharing a plate of fries and playing the worst songs they can think of on the jukebox. Henry finds himself with his hand in Alex’s, thumb stroking idly over calloused knuckles. 

“So tell me something,” Alex’s voice filters in through the haze of diner and beer. “How come you’ve never dated anyone at school?”

“Oh. Well, no one’s ever been interested, I suppose.” Lie. 

“That’s not true. I know for a fact Hunter asked you to winter formal last year and you turned him down.”

“Yes, well. I just wasn’t interested. I had much more fun with Pez than I would’ve had with a date.” Another lie. However much he loves Pez, he knows for a fact there’s a certain someone he would have had just as much fun with. A certain someone who’s studying him over a plate of fries right now. 

“Hm. You’re a romantic, though, right? Jane Austen and all that. That’s why you don’t want me to kiss you.”

“I suppose.”

“You seem pretty shy around other people. But....it doesn’t feel that way when you’re around me. Not that I don’t like that, it’s just, well. How are you so easygoing with me but clam up when other people are interested in you?”

And the answer isn’t something Henry would want to say, but his inhibitions are lowered and there’s grease and alcohol numbing his brain and Gimme Gimme is playing on the jukebox and he says the first thing that pops into his mind. 

“Well that’s easy. This isn’t real; it’s all pretend, isn’t it?”

He regrets it the moment he says it. Because he swears he can see just the slightest crack in Alex’s foundation before the walls go up again, and he plasters on that smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. 

“Wow, Hen, that’s uh...well. Can always rely on you to be a realist, huh?”

“Alex--”

“I’m gonna go pay the check.”

They leave in silence, and Alex drops him off without another word, barely looks at him at all. It confuses Henry more than it upsets him. Because what he said was right, isn’t it? It’s all pretend, it’s a fake relationship so Alex can get Liam back, nothing more. It’s easy to be with Alex because there’s no real stakes. Alex has no reason to have hurt feelings. Henry only told the truth. That shouldn’t have upset someone pining over someone else. It’s a completely irrational reaction; it’s not as if Alex was expecting a different answer.

Right?

  
  


  
  



	4. My man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Dude,” Pez breathes, wide-eyed. “Liam’s after your man.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, it's been a very rough week for me, please be kind in the comments.

The rest of the weekend is radio silence. At first Henry doesn’t think much of it- they’re not that close, after all, they don’t text much. But it’s hard to deny the relief that settles across Henry’s shoulders when his screen lights up Sunday night with a text. 

**Alex**

**5:55 pm**

ok

i’m like halfway through this book and 

can i just say

caroline bingley is such a bitch

**5:56 pm**

She is a product of her time. 

**5:57 pm**

But, yes, frankly speaking, she is a bitch.

As soon as the text is read, his screen lights up again with Alex’s face- a phone call. He fumbles the phone in his hands and nearly declines the call, and by the time it’s up to his ear, Alex is already talking at full speed. 

“Okay, so like, Caroline obviously had something to do with Bingley leaving, but she had to be conspiring with Darcy, right? It’s obviously his fault.”

Henry smiles into the phone. “I will reveal nothing.”

“Oh come on!” he sounds frustrated, but he’s laughing too. It makes him glad to hear Alex happy again. He hadn’t realized before just how upset he was before. “It’s so obvious. There’s no other reasonable explanation.”

“You’ll just have to read the rest of the book to find out.” Alex laughs again, but it’s a little quieter, and there’s a pause afterwards. Did Henry say something wrong? “Listen, Henry...I’m sorry about the other day. I didn’t mean to act out. Liam just drives me nuts sometimes.”

“Oh...there’s no need to apologize, Alex--”

“He just- you know, he ignores me the entire party, and then I get home and I have, like, five missed calls and a hundred texts. I just don’t get it!”

Henry waits a moment for Alex to catch his breath. The question is on the tip of his tongue, but it’s a risk he’s not sure will pay off. “Alex? Can I ask you a question?”

“Huh? Yeah, yeah, go for it.”

“...why are you trying to get someone back who frustrates you so much?”

Alex sighs on the other end. For a moment, they hang in silence, and Henry wonders if he’s hung up. 

“I don’t know. Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth all the trouble, but...we’ve been through a lot together, y’know? He helped me out when my parents were getting divorced. It’s hard to let go of someone who’s seen you at your worst moments.”

“I...I didn’t know your parents were divorced.”

Alex clears his throat; his voice cracks a little. “Yeah. I don’t talk about it much.”

Henry pauses, looks over at the photos on his desk. His father, smiling, with Henry on his shoulders and an arm wrapped around his mother. He blinks away a few tears. 

“My dad died,” he manages to get out. “When I was fourteen. It’s why we moved here- my mum wanted a fresh start.”

“Shit, Henry, I’m sorry. Jesus, now I feel stupid for whining about my own parents--”

“No, no, that’s not what I meant at all. I just...wanted you to know you can talk to me about that kind of stuff. You don’t have to depend on Liam all the time.”

“Oh. Well. Thanks, Hen. I’ll, uh. I’ll pick you up for school tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yeah. Goodnight, Alex.”

Alex hangs up without saying goodbye.

The next morning, because the universe is still out to get him, Bea insists on hitching a ride with them. And Alex, ever the charmer, happily agrees. So, in the morning, Bea clambers into the back seat with two Jaffa Cakes in hand, Alex smiling in the rearview mirror. 

“Hey, Bea, what are those?”

She pauses mid-bite and raises an eyebrow. “Jaffa Cakes. You’ve never had them?”

“Can I try?”

Surprisingly, she relinquishes one, and the look on Alex’s face when he takes a bite is absolutely priceless. Henry wishes he’d been quick enough to take a photo. 

“These are amazing! Bea, I will give you all the rides you want if you keep bringing me these.”

“Deal.”

After they’ve dropped Bea off at work, they cause another stir at school- they walk into the cafeteria together, Alex’s hand in Henry’s back pocket. He cleverly uses his grip to spin Henry around so they’re face-to-face, confident grin back as he holds up a note with Henry’s name on it. Blushing, Henry takes it and slips it into his pocket. 

“I’ll see you at lunch?” Alex asks, inches away from his lips; Henry can feel the warm puff of air from his mouth as he speaks, can smell the cologne that clings to his skin. It’s so intoxicating, the only thing Henry can get out is a contented  _ mhm _ .

As always, the spell doesn’t last. Pez somehow convinces him to skip gym and hide beneath the bleachers, Pez stretched out on his back with his eyes closed and Henry buried in a book. He watches his friend’s eyes pop open when voices above them are raised. One of them, specifically; Alex’s voice. 

“I don’t know what you want me to tell you, Liam.”

Pez opens his mouth, but Henry makes a quick  _ shush  _ motion and points towards the bleachers. 

“It’s like you don’t have time for me anymore,” Liam’s voice says. “All you do is hang out with _ him _ .”

“What am I supposed to do? Wait around for you like an idiot while you’re off with Spencer?”

“We should go,” Henry whispers. “This sounds private--”

“He’s not a good listener,” Liam argues above him. He hears Alex sigh, can imagine him pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Because he’s not at your beck and call like I am. Liam, you can’t keep doing this to me.”

“But he’s not going on the ski trip, is he? That’s  _ our  _ thing.”

He feels Pez’s hand on his arm, the burning of his gaze, but he remains stock still as Alex speaks. 

“What does it matter? You have a boyfriend.”

“Yeah, but...maybe by then...I won’t.”

“Dude,” Pez breathes, wide-eyed. “Liam’s after your man.”

****  
  



	5. I'll Go if Pez Goes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because how do you tell your fake boyfriend that you can’t go skiing with him because you have real feelings for him? You can’t. So you pivot. 
> 
> “I’ll go if Pez goes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you everyone for the nice comments! Sorority recruitment week has been really rough for me. This chapter's a little shorter, but the ski trip is coming up next!  
> CW for talk about divorce and deceased parents.

Things aren’t the same after the bleacher incident. Alex is, of course, the same charming boy he always has been. He kisses Henry’s knuckles in the lunch line and opens the car door for him like a proper gentleman. But Henry can’t help the nagging feeling at the base of his skull, can’t ignore the small voice whispering  _ this isn’t real  _ over and over. 

He wishes they hadn’t gotten their families involved. It’s bad enough lying to the entire school; but seeing the look on Bea’s face, the way his mother lights up when the doorbell rings, it’s all too much. And Alex’s family too, they’re so sweet, and he feels like a horrible person for lying to them. 

“So, Henry,” Ellen says with a smile that’s a carbon copy of Alex’s. “Do you have siblings?”

He clears his throat and tries to ignore the way Alex’s hand feels on his knee beneath the table. “Yes, two brothers and a sister.”

“Your dad must be happy to have the girls outnumbered, huh?”

A hush falls over the table. Alex’s grip tightens and he clears his throat, sends a look over to his mother. “Mom, Henry’s dad died a few years ago, remember?”

“Oh- oh, I’m so sorry, Henry--”

“It’s alright,” he puts on his best smile, though he can tell it probably looks a little sad. “He did love having Bea and my mother outnumbered.”

The relief that spreads across Ellen’s face is enough to get them back to normal, Alex’s sister teasing him for some ridiculous comment. After, Henry sits on the island and watches Alex dry the dishes (which he insisted on doing by himself), humming quietly. It’s nice, in a domestic sort of way. And Alex is so much more relaxed at home, too. 

“You okay?” Henry asks when Alex is done. It’s strangely natural, the way Alex slots himself between Henry’s legs and idly traces shapes on his thigh. It makes the voice in the back of his head grow louder. 

Alex hums. “Yeah. Hen, I’m really sorry about what my mom said.”

“Honestly, Alex, it’s alright. To be honest, it’s nice to talk about him. We don’t talk about him much at home.” He pauses, considers brushing a stray curl out of Alex’s eyes, but decides against it. “Is it strange, not having your father around?”

“Not as weird as it used to be,” Alex shrugs. “Sometimes I walk around the house and notice he’s not in photos anymore, and my mom just started dating this guy Leo and it’s super weird, and sometimes I miss him, y’know? But then I remember all the fighting, and then I’m…glad he’s gone.”

“Alex,” Henry places a gentle hand on top of the one on his thigh, and Alex finally lifts his head to meet his gaze. His eyes are shiny, and Henry’s heart absolutely breaks for this boy. “You don’t mean that. You can be mad at someone and still miss them.”

Alex only shrugs and goes back to tracing patterns on Henry’s jeans. Henry hears him take a deep, shaky breath. “I bet you really miss your dad, huh?”

His breath catches in his throat, and he has to swallow down the lump there. “Yeah. I do. It’s...it’s strange. Sometimes I can’t even remember a time when it wasn’t just my mom and Philip and Bea, and it always makes me feel so guilty. But I miss him a lot.” 

“It’s nice, though, isn’t it?” Alex looks back up at him. “To have someone to talk to about this kind of stuff.”

“Yeah. Yeah, it is.”

Being with Alex is so easy that, sometimes, Henry lets himself pretend it isn’t fake. It’s easy, after their post-dinner heart to heart; like something has shifted. Henry still doesn’t read the notes, tosses them in that same cardboard box as soon as he gets home from school every day. But he has fun. He makes friends with Nora and Alex’s sister, June, and Pez joins in on their group, too. Sometimes, if he tries hard enough, Henry can live in his own little bubble where all this is real, and he won’t lose it as soon as Liam decides he’s bored with Spencer. 

But then, Henry will see the two of them talking in hushed tones, behind the gym or in a dimly lit corner of a hallway. He’ll see the way Alex looks at him, with puppy dog eyes and a strained longing, a way he’s never looked at Henry before. And the bubble will pop, leaving Henry cold and alone. 

“You’ll sit next to me on the bus ride to the ski trip, won’t you?” he overhears Liam say in the library. He and Alex are supposed to be studying together, but he’s nearly twenty minutes late. Now he knows why.

“Why would I do that?” Alex huffs his reply. 

“Oh come on. You’re not gonna sit with your little boy toy are you?”

“Don’t call him that.”

“You don’t really think you’re going to accomplish anything by inviting him, do you?”

“Jesus, Liam, not everything is about sex.”

“Just promise you’ll save some time for me, yeah?”

“I’ll always make time for you. Look, I’m late, okay? I’ve gotta go.”

Henry straightens in his chair and starts taking notes, pretending he wasn’t just listening in on their conversation. What could that mean,  _ I’ll always make time for you _ ? How long is always? Alex sits down with a sigh and grabs Henry’s hand for an instinctual kiss. 

“Hey, baby, sorry I’m late.”

Henry hums and doesn’t look up from his notes. “Have a good talk with Liam?” He feels Alex freeze next to him, and despite himself, he feels a cruel sort of satisfaction. Alex lets go of his hand. 

“You’re spying on me now?” His voice is rough and grating and deadly serious. It’s a tone Henry’s never heard before, and hopes to never hear again. Still, he maintains his cool facade, watching his pen glide across the paper.

“Not intentionally. It’s hard not to notice when the two of you talk so loudly in public places. The bleachers, for example.”

“I-so I talked to Liam, so what? You don’t post about us on instagram.”

“Please,” Henry scoffs. “That’s hardly the same thing.”

“Oh come on--”

“Look, Alex. I don’t think either of us thought this was going to go on for this long.” He takes a deep breath. He knows what he needs to say- he needs to get out before he gets too invested, before Alex can officially break his heart. “It’s safe to say Liam is sufficiently jealous.”

“What are you trying to say?”

He swallows. “I’m saying I think this needs to end.”

“I can’t believe you’re trying to break up with me before the ski trip. That’s in the contract, Hen.”

“Only if we’re still together.”

“We are still together!” The librarian, observant as ever, shushes him harshly, and Alex lowers his voice, bows his head to look Henry in the eye. “You’re just trying to pull out because you’re scared.”

Henry puts down his pencil, turns to look at his so-called boyfriend. There’s an unexpected venom in his voice when he speaks. “What do I have to be scared about?”

Alex pauses for a long time, so long that Henry thinks he may have forgotten how to speak. Then the bell rings, and Alex bites his lip, and he gets up from the table.

“You tell me, Henry.”

Henry desperately wracks his brain for a solution. An excuse, anything. Because how do you tell your fake boyfriend that you can’t go skiing with him because you have real feelings for him? You can’t. So you pivot. 

“I’ll go if Pez goes.”

“Look, I’m not denying your right to put food on the table for your family,” Pez says from where he’s perched on the kitchen counter. “I just think it’s a little odd that a cisgender, heterosexual man would want to become a gynecologist. Like, when you were in college, you thought, ‘I’d really love to look at vaginas all day.’”

Philip gives a strained clearing of his throat. “I’m going to leave now. Always a pleasure, Percy.”

Henry comes in through the front door, says goodbye to Philip as he leaves (with an oddly red face, he’ll have to ask about that later). Pez smiles and jumps down from the counter. 

“Haz! There you are. Why is your boyfriend harassing me about going on the ski trip? You know I don’t do school functions.”

“Exactly,” Henry drops down on the couch next to his best friend. “Which is why I told him I wouldn’t go unless you did.”

Pez hits him with a pillow, startling a yelp out of Henry. “Oh no, absolutely not! You are going on that ski trip. I’ll make sure of it, I’m going.” His gaze softens a bit. “Look, all I’m saying is, since you’ve been with Alex, you’ve been so happy. So if I can help keep it that way, I will.”

Henry groans. "You're not going to let me out of this, are you?"

Pez gives his most wicked smile. "Absolutely not."

  
  
  



	6. The Hot Tub

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Why would you do all that?”
> 
> Alex laughs again, a bitter, short thing, with a whole lot of hurt behind it. “You still don’t know?”

Henry is late to the bus the morning of the ski trip, leaving him two options; a seat next to a sleeping Pez, or next to Alex. Alex, who will obviously want to sit next to Liam the whole way. Isn’t that what this is about, anyway? Getting Liam back?

Even so, Alex rises out of his seat and smiles with puppy dog eyes. “Hey, Hen, saved you a seat.”

Henry tries to shake off the stiffness the past couple of days have left him in, giving a polite shake of the head and cursing every deity possible for trapping him on a bus with Alex Claremont-Diaz for three hours. 

“No thanks, Alex, I think I’d rather sit with Pez.”

Alex’s shoulders slump. “But he’s asleep.”

“All the more reason to sit with him. I’ll see you at the hotel, alright?”

He scrambles to the back of the bus before Alex can say anything else. When he’s settled, Pez’s head resting on his shoulder, he can see Liam taking the empty seat besides Alex. Good. That means the plan is working; he’s sure Alex is thrilled. 

Somehow, Nora gets her hands on the hotel keys and distributes them randomly, letting people pick their rooms. Pez snatches one up for the two of them and raises an eyebrow towards Alex, getting slapped on the back by his friends and jostled around. He’s got that smile on again, the fake one he always has at school. Henry pretends he doesn’t notice. 

“So, what exactly are we going to do on a ski trip where neither of us can ski?” Pez asks. Henry opens his backpack and gestures to the books he’s crammed inside;. Pez rolls his eyes. “You’re not even going to try? You’re going to let Liam take your boyfriend skiing while you sit inside and read.”

“I have Korean face masks.”

It’s not long before the both of them were nestled up in their hotel room, pajamas and facemasks on, half-watching Drag Race. Henry’s mind keeps wandering over to Alex- which is ridiculous, because Alex is definitely not thinking about him. He’s out on the mountain with Liam, probably flirting and not sparing a second of attention to think about Henry.

It’s not until the chaperones go around calling for lights out that Henry realizes he’s spent the entire day in the hotel room with his best friend. He’s spent the entire trip pining silently over Alex rather than spending time with him; and for some reason, the more he tells himself Alex doesn’t want him, the less he believes it. 

“Haz,” Pez says after a disturbingly long period of silence. It’s never that quiet between the two of them. “What are you doing?”

“Spending time with my best friend.”

He rolls his eyes. “You know I love you, right? And I love spending time with you, but for once in your life, you need to go after what you want.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Henry sighs. “Alex doesn’t want me.” 

Pez raises an infuriating eyebrow. “You’re sure about that? Because right now, while we’re sitting in our pajamas, a certain someone is waiting in the hottub for you.”

Henry shoots up from the bed. A quick glance at the window shows him that, sure enough, Alex is there, in the hot tub outside, looking beautiful and completely miserable. He throws on the pair of sweatpants Pez throws at him and stomps outside without a second thought, ignoring his friend’s cheers. 

Alex sits in the hot tub in nothing but his swim trunks, tracing an idle finger along the surface of the water. It’s freezing outside, but the steam that rises from the water warms Henry’s bones and draws a gorgeous pink flush from Alex’s cheeks. Henry walks up carefully, unwilling to disturb the quiet beauty that is Alex at night, surrounded by stars and the sounds of crickets chirping, jaw set and nose scrunched up. He clears his throat when he reaches the edge of the tub. 

“All by yourself out here?” Alex looks up briefly, startled, before his face hardens and he looks back down. Henry steps a little more forward, tries again. “So now you’re ignoring me?”

“Oh,” Alex chuckles a little bitterly to himself. “So  _ I’m _ the one ignoring  _ you  _ now? That’s really funny, Henry, they should put you on the fucking Late Show.”

Alex is stubborn. Henry knows this- from the way he plays at his lacrosse games to the way he studies to the way he dates, he’s stubborn. But so is Henry. And if this is going to be a battle of wills, well. He’s determined not to be the first one to break. He climbs up the tub and perches himself on the top step, focusing all his attention on Alex even as he stares determinately down at the water.

“If you wanted me to ski with you, you could have offered to teach me.”

Alex rolls his eyes, scoffs; Henry pretends it doesn’t hurt. “So, what, now I’m supposed to be sweet to you after you didn’t sit with me on the bus ride here?”

The crease between Henry’s eyebrows deepens as he frowns at this impossible boy. “Shouldn’t you be thanking me? You got to sit next to who you actually wanted.”

“You know, for someone as smart as you, you can be really fucking obtuse sometimes.”

“What--”

“I wanted to sit next to _ you _ , Henry! I even asked Bea where I could find those Jaffa Cakes you love so much.”

“But...but you can only get those at--”

“Lenny’s, I know. Which is all the way across town. _ And _ got up an hour early so I could save a spot in the front row because I know that’s where you like to sit on the bus.”

Henry tosses off his slippers, tentatively dips his feet in the water. The heat stings his skin, but Alex’s gaze is even more scorching. “Why would you do all that?”

Alex laughs again, a bitter, short thing, with a whole lot of hurt behind it. “You still don’t know?” 

Henry only shrugs and allows himself to sink the rest of the way into the tub, until he’s sitting across from the other boy. He’ll regret it later, when he goes back to his hotel room with dripping wet sweatpants, but it’s worth the way that Alex slowly gets up and moves towards him. It’s worth it, how he slots himself between Henry’s legs and brings his hands to the nape of his neck, fingers tugging lightly at blonde curls; in the way his lips curl into a small smile as he says, “I’m crazy about you, you idiot.”

What happens next is all instinct. As soon as Henry has processed the words, his hands are reaching for Alex’s hips, pulling him into his lap. His finger tips are digging into wet skin and he’s tasting late-night coffee on Alex’s lips, kissing him until he’s pliant and soft and putty in his hands. 

They stay there for what could be hours, kissing and touching and laughing until their skin is wrinkled and pink and the sun has started to rise over the ski slopes. Alex takes care of Henry, wraps him in a towel and makes sure he gets to bed safe with a goodnight kiss and a promise of tomorrow. 

He ignores the looks Pez gives him on the bus the next morning, the claps and cheers from fellow students, the slaps on the back, the winks from Nora and June. He sits with Alex the whole way back, head on his shoulder and sharing headphones like a couple in a movie. It’s disgustingly domestic and Henry loves it, loves the way that Alex turns and kisses his forehead every so often. They fill themselves up with Jaffa Cakes and quiet conversation, and suddenly a three hour bus ride feels like three minutes. Henry is safe in his little bubble again, soaking up as much time as he can with Alex before it pops again.

Because it always, always pops. 

This time, it comes in the form of Liam, casually sidling up to Henry as Alex gets their suitcases off the bus. He has a smug smile as he leans against the bus, regarding Henry with no more respect than the dirt beneath his shoe.

“Hey, Henry,” he says with an air of false politeness. “I think it’s so cool that you came on the ski trip. I really hope you had fun.”

Henry, ever the cautious one, raises his eyebrows and crosses his arms protectively over his chest. “Thank you, Liam. I did.” 

“I just wanted to say, I think it’s really big of you, being so understanding of my friendship with Alex.”

“How do you mean?”

“Oh, I just mean a lot of guys would be pretty weirded out by their boyfriend sleeping in someone else’s room, but you’re so trusting, I love that about you.” He smiles cruelly. “Well, have a good day. I’ll see you at school on Monday!”

Henry barely registers Liam walking away. It’s as if he’s plunged headfirst beneath freezing water- his vision swims, his ears ring, his mouth is impossibly dry. His brain is too full and too empty all at once, Liam’s words consuming every possible crevice of his brain.

Alex went to Liam’s room last night. Alex  _ slept  _ in Liam’s room last night. After they kissed in the hot tub, after he kissed Henry’s knuckles goodnight and promised to see him tomorrow. Sure, they hadn’t had a talk about being exclusive, per say, but wasn’t it established enough last night? Hadn’t Alex known that Henry would do anything for him? 

“Hey, baby,” Alex’s voice pulls him out of the spiral, the boy himself smiling without a care in the world; it makes Henry want to vomit. “You ready to go?”

“Did you go to Liam’s room last night?”

The smile drops from Alex’s face for a brief moment, before being replaced by that schooled expression he uses around others. The facade of the cool, unaffected star player of the lacrosse team. Nothing close to the Alex Henry knows. “Yeah. yeah, but--”

“Am I just a joke to you, Alex?”

“No, no, no- listen, just let me explain, okay? You don’t understand the situation.”

“No, Alex, I think I understand perfectly.” He swallows. He promised himself, if he did this, he wouldn’t let Alex hurt him. He promised. “This is over.”

“What- whoa, whoa, Henry, listen, let me just drive you home, okay? Let me drive you home and I’ll explain.”

“I would rather walk. Actually, I’d rather drive myself than get in a car with you right now.” Alex reaches out, a pleading look crossing his delicate features, but Henry has made up his mind. He will not let his heart be toyed with any longer. He will not let anyone, even Alex Claremont-Diaz, treat him without the respect he deserves. Pez would be proud. He gives Alex his fiercest glare, even if his heart melts a bit at the look in his eye. 

“Don’t even think about calling me,” he spits, walking away without a second look behind him.

  
  



	7. Christmas Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Well," Henry breathes. "shit."

Christmas break couldn't come soon enough. No school for a week, no deadlines, no homework, and most importantly, no Alex. He has at least thirty unread texts and just as many missed calls and voicemails, but nothing he has to face for another seven days. 

He doesn't want to miss Alex. He doesn't, and he shouldn't. Because none of it was real, and you're not supposed to miss someone you never even dated. Those stupid words come back to him from dinner at Alex's house, the voice in the back of his head calling him a hypocrite as he recalls: _you can be mad at someone and still miss them._

Despite himself, he worries about Alex. His dad is supposed to fly in for Christmas, and he knows it's going to be tough for him. From what he's heard, it doesn't sound like it's going to be a fun family reunion. But he shouldn't care, and he doesn't, really. Alex is nothing to him after what he did. 

Something inside him aches when he comes home to see the house decorated. His father used to love the holiday- he'd wake them up early to get the best tree and chop it down himself, and bake cookies and get flour absolutely everywhere. But Bea is there and smiling and he puts on a brave face and pretends everything is okay, and it only hurts a little bit when she asks him about Alex. 

"We broke up, actually," he manages to get through over the lump in his throat, and when she hugs him and tells him he's sorry, the hurt gets worse. Because she thinks his heartbreak is real and she's comforting him over a lie and doesn't know the difference, and he's done nothing but lie and be lied to for months and it makes him want to _scream_. So when the doorbell rings, and Alex is standing there looking apologetic and sweet with puppy dog eyes, Henry implodes. 

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

Alex's face drops, and the satisfaction Henry feels is cruel but oh so gratifying. "Can we talk?"

Despite his anger, Henry's curiosity and the need for closure gets the better of him. He closes the door and steps outside into the cold, wrapping his arms around himself as if to protect himself from Alex, even though he looks about as threatening as a puppy. 

"You can talk. I can't guarantee I'll listen."

Alex sighs, but he doesn't argue. "Nothing happened between me and Liam."

"Why go to his room at all, then?"

"To talk!" he takes a deep breath and pinches the bridge of his nose, and it's so endearing that Henry wants to slap him. "Look, Liam and I dated for a long time, I thought you'd understand the need for closure."

Henry feels it again, the need to scream, the impending boiling over as he looks at Alex pleading for him to _understand_. "I see. Because I'm so naive, right? So I should understand that you'd want to go to your ex-boyfriend's room five minutes after kissing me?"

"Henry--"

"You know what, Alex? I'm tired of it. I'm _sick_ of being second best, or fake best, or whatever it is I am to you. That night was a mistake; I know physical stuff isn't a big deal to you, but to me it is."

Alex looks rather hurt, and he takes a step back. The cruelty in Henry's heart twists and twists and it doesn't let go, even when he knows in the back of his mind he'll regret it later. "You think it's not a big deal to me? Why, because I'm- because people think--"

"That you get around? That you'll fuck anything with a pulse, that you take people's hearts and break them without a second thought? Because yeah, that's why."

Alex's mouth opens and closes a couple times before settling in a hard line. He straightens up, squares his shoulders, and his public face is back on, the emotionless one, his game face. "If that's what you think of me, fine, I can live with that. But you were never second best, Henry. Not to me."

"Go home, Alex."

He leaves, and if Henry thinks he might be able to have a brief moment of peace, he's sorely mistaken. Because as soon as Alex's car rolls out of the driveway, Philip's is replacing it, and from the way he slams the driver's side door, he guesses it won't be a friendly visit. 

"How could you be so stupid?" is his way of a greeting, and Henry is too angry to care about taking the high road. 

"Happy fucking Christmas to you too, Philip. Always a pleasure, these spontaneous little visits."

"Don't talk back to me right now, Henry, this is not the time."

Henry rolls his eyes. "What the fuck are you--"

Philip shoves his phone in Henry's face, and his tongue turns to lead in his mouth. 

It's a video. A video of him, specifically, in Alex's lap, in the hot tub from the ski trip, posted on instagram with hundreds upon hundreds of likes. Bile rises in his throat and his breathing gets rapidly quicker, the threat of an incoming panic attack mixing with rage and creating something putrid and vile that Henry never wants to feel again. 

"How-how did you--"

"I've already contacted Instagram about taking it down under child pornography laws, but the damage has already been done. What the fuck were you thinking, Henry? Universities could see this, future employers--"

" _That's_ what you're worried about?" Henry snaps. "What other people will think? Not how I feel about having this plastered all over the internet?" Henry is boiling, boiling, spilling over the top with no lid to stop him. "You're not dad, Philip! And you never will be, so stop bloody acting like it!"

Philip's jaw sets, and he puts the phone back in the pocket of his pristinely pressed suit jacket, not a hair out of place. "Fine. But the next time you get yourself into a mess, I'm not cleaning it up for you."

He watches his brother get into his car and drive off, breathing hard and face hot. When he turns to go back inside, his mother is waiting at the doorway, a sad look plastered on her delicate features. 

"You heard?" Henry asks, and his mother's nod is enough. She walks over to him and wraps her arms around him, and it's enough for him to finally, finally, break. He sobs into the soft wool of her winter coat and lets her run her hands through his hair and press kisses to the top of his head. When he's done, and he looks up at her, sniffling like a small child, her face is pleasant and calming. 

"Let's you and me go for a drive, hm?"

She takes him to the diner, the little one within walking distance from their house, and they share a plate of French fries. He hasn't seen his mother this vibrant in years, and the suddenness of it all is strange and wonderful at the same time. 

"You want to tell me what's going on?" she asks him, patting his hand when he looks a little startled. "Or not, that's alright. We can just eat our chips and talk about nothing, if that's what you want."

"Mum," Henry hesitates. "what's going on?"

His mother sighs and idly strokes a thumb across his palm. "I know I haven't been the most...present since your dad died. But I can tell something's wrong, Henry. And I know you've needed me before and I haven't been there and I'm so, so sorry. But I'm here now, my love. Your mum is here, and I'm not going anywhere ever again."

The rest of Henry's break is...nice. He doesn't hear anything else about the hot tub incident, and Philip is surprisingly civil at Christmas, and spending time with Bea and his mother is so, so, wonderful. He gets a new notebook and a pair of nice wool socks from his mom, and a hand-knitted jumper from Bea. Philip gets him a fountain pen, and Henry feels oddly touched. Apparently he and his mother had a heart-to-heart since the last time they had seen each other, and he suspects this present is a peace-offering of some sorts. He's content enough to accept.

Going back to school is a rude awakening. Despite having the video taken down, the entire school appears to have seen it. Alex, noble as he is, tries to get people to stop talking about it, but people still do it when he's not around. Thank god for Pez. Henry catches him in more than a few heated discussion with Alex, and honestly, he isn't even mad. After a lifetime of fighting his own battles, it's nice to stand back and let someone else handle it for a change. 

Henry lets himself pretend he's over Alex. Honestly, it's not that hard to do. Alex switches from creative writing to myth and legends, so they don't have their after-school tutoring sessions anymore. Really, it's almost enough to let Henry forget. If he tries hard enough, he could move on and ignore Alex's existence until graduation just fine. 

But, of course, the universe has other plans. Because at the end of the second week, when Alex hasn't crossed his mind all day, he overhears another conversation while under the bleachers. 

"There's nothing else to discuss," he hears Alex say in a much sterner voice than he's ever heard. "we're done, Liam."

"Seriously? You're still choosing him over me?"

"Of course I am. After you posted that video- don't interrupt me, I know it was you -you really expect me to want to be with you still?"

He hears Liam scoff. "He's not going to take you back, you know that right? Everyone knows about your break up."

"That doesn't have anything to do with you and me. I told you this on the ski trip and I'm telling you again now, it's never going to happen."

"Does he still think you and I had sex that night? On the ski trip?"

Henry's heartbeat stutters. He strains to hear Alex's quiet sigh. "He doesn't believe me. I tried telling him but he won't listen."

"I don't blame him. You do have a reputation."

"Yeah, one _you_ gave me by spreading rumors. Fuck this, man. I'm going to calculus."

Alex stomps off, Liam following moments later, leaving Henry and Pez staring at each other with wide eyes. 

"Well," Henry breathes. "shit."


	8. Love, Alex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wants Alex back- for real, this time -not just for the sake of his once-unattainable crush. But he has to take care of some things first. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for being so supportive! I really hope this last chapter is everything you'd hoped. I'm trying to actually start replying to comments now but if I don't get to yours know that I read and appreciate all of them!

Another week goes by without Alex. The rumors die and people shift their focus to the newest scandal involving the swim team and some questionable items smuggled to meets beneath swim caps. The video has been thoroughly swept from the internet, and Henry goes back to his life of invisibility and Friday-night Drag Race marathons with Pez and Bea. It should feel good. But it doesn't. 

It's not that Henry's life is completely miserable without Alex- he has his friends, and his family, and Pez isn't getting shoved into lockers anymore and Nora and June still wave to him in the halls sometimes. He's not alone, and he never was, really, but he's lonely. There's still light in his life, but it's dimmer now, without Alex; everything is quieter without his laughing and long-winded ramblings, and Henry, who has always preferred peace and quiet, finds his quiet monotony suddenly unsatisfying. He sits in the library by himself after school and waits and waits and waits for an interruption that never comes. 

He wants Alex back- for real, this time -not just for the sake of his once-unattainable crush. That version of Alex, that lovestruck teenager version that Henry concocted in his head, is no longer something that he really desires. He wants the real Alex, every messy, too-loud part of him; he wants to be forced to watch boring movies and go to parties just to be able to watch Alex drink kombucha out of a red solo cup and make a face at the bitterness. He wants the faces that Alex doesn't make in public and the parts of him that no one else sees. He wants his friend back. But he has to take care of some things first. 

He starts with Bea; he tells her the truth and apologizes for lying to her, and she gathers him up in her arms and pinches his cheeks in an annoying older-sister way. Then he has a long talk with his mom. He tells her everything that's happened since the start of the school year and how much he's needed her and she promises to join a support group and to keep being present; most of their time is just spent hugging, though. 

Then Philip, who regrets being so hard on Henry, who in return apologizes for implying his older brother was trying to replace their father. It's not a deep talk, but it's a start. They talk about Arthur, mostly. About how much they miss him. For the first time in a long time, Philip actually looks kind of like a human again. Nothing is magically fixed and it won't be, not for a long time, but they're family and it will get better.

The fourth talk is not one that's planned, but when the opportunity presents itself, there's nothing to do but seize it. It happens after sixth period, when Henry is waiting outside his English teacher's locked classroom, Liam beside him, tapping his foot impatiently and checking the time on his phone. 

"Waiting for Mr. Luna?" Henry asks cautiously. Barely looking up from his phone, Liam answers.

"He's always late for office hours."

Henry hums in agreement; he does not admit that he has spent every lunch period in this classroom for three years, and knows that their English teacher won't be back for another five minutes after getting his fourth cup of coffee from Starbucks across the street, and sometimes a hot chocolate for Henry, if he looks like he needs it. He thinks he will after this. 

With all his courage, Henry straightens his spine and takes a deep breath, in through the nose, out through the mouth, before saying, "I know it was you who posted the video."

Liam does nothing in response, but Henry doesn't miss the way his grip on his phone tightens by a fraction. "Oh?" he says without a care in the world. It's a tone of voice Henry recognizes on Alex; the kind he uses when he's rattled in public but doesn't want anyone to know. A tone of false-confidence. It makes Henry feel cautiously triumphant. "But, if it _were_ me, I'd tell you that if you're going to have sex in a public place, you should learn to deal with the consequences."

Henry from six months ago may have wanted to fight, or say something he'd regret later, or smile and keep the anger bottled up until he could spit it at someone undeserving. A younger Henry would have blamed Liam's popularity, or his own lack thereof, or America, or high school, or his mother or his father. Henry now knows that none of those things are really worth the energy. The Henry of today knows that it's pointless to waste time arguing with someone who will never change their mind; Henry of today knows the feel of his mother's arms around his seventeen-year-old body, the honeyed softness of Alex's lips against his and the warm weight of a hand in his hand. Henry of today pities Liam, because he had that hand in his own, once, and he took it for granted.

A coolness takes over, then, a sort of casual calm he'd never expect to feel in a situation like this. It says: _I am better than this._ It says: _I know I'm right, and that's enough._

"I know it hurts, Liam," he says. "to see someone you loved move on. You're allowed to be upset. But when you take it out on others, on me, that doesn't make it any better. It only makes you a bad person."

Liam doesn't speak. He turns off the screen of his phone and slips it into his back pocket, but he does not look up from the where his gaze is now directed at the floor. His voice is quiet and sad and hesitant. "How did you get him to do it?"

"Do what?"

"Write you notes."

_I could write you notes. Liam always wanted me to and I never did, he’ll hate it._

Henry answers truthfully. "I didn't do anything. He just decided to." There's a pause, and Liam's gaze flickers up to meet Henry's. 

"What did they say?"

"I don't know. I've never looked at them."

"You should." 

They hold eye contact with each other, only briefly, a moment of understanding, or armistice, or _something_ passing between them before Mr. Luna is back and pressing a hot chocolate into Henry's hand. He doesn't see Liam at all after that. When he bikes home after school, he takes out the little shoe box with the notes in it and reads until the words blur. 

_henry_

_everyone was so impressed by your ap gov presentation, but especially me_

_love, a_ _lex_

_henry_

_it's really nice to have someone to talk to where I don't have to pretend_

_love, a_ _lex_

_henry_

_I didn't mean to act like a dick today. i'm gonna buy you ice cream after school to make up for it_

_love, alex_

_henry_

_you looked so beautiful today_

_love, alex_

"Mum?" he asks after a while. "Could I borrow the car?"

The team is packing up by the time Henry makes it to the lacrosse field. Alex has his back turned, pushing the goalie's net across the grass; he looks handsome, even now, when his curls are dampened with sweat and he has bruises on the backs of his calves. Henry feels a bit out of place as other boys in their gym shorts and sweatshirts blow past him, but there will be time to be self conscious later. Because now, Alex has stopped pushing, and he's turning around, and he's looking at Henry with a mix of hurt and awe and confusion and the prepared words die in Henry's throat.

"Hey," Alex says, out of breath. Henry takes a moment to shake himself. 

"Hi. I have to tell you something."

Alex shrugs ever so casually and walks forward, stopping a little farther away than Henry would have liked, but he doesn't say it. "I'm all ears, Fox."

"I drove here," he blurts out. Alex's lips form a sort of amused smirk and it makes him feel a little better at his slip up.

"Really? Wow, that's...that's great, Henry. Is that what you came her to tell me?"

"No! No, sorry, I-" he sighs, refocuses. Alex is peering at him strangely now; Henry doesn't blame him. "What I came here to say is. I love you. And I'm sorry."

If Alex is shocked by the declaration, he doesn't show it. He pauses for a moment before sighing. "You have nothing to apologize for, Henry--"

"I do. I heard you talking to Liam on the bleachers. I know you went to his room on the ski trip to break things off. I should have believed you."

A careful hand reaches up to brush a stray hair behind Henry's ear, and the palm lingers against his cheek. Henry leans into the touch. "It's not your fault, Henry. You had every reason to doubt."

Henry shakes his head and covers the hand on his cheek with his own. "I didn't, though. I should have never believed those rumors, I shouldn't have said the things to you that I said."

Alex is quiet, and Henry desperately searches for what he may have said wrong. When he is about to open his mouth, Alex speaks. 

"You like me?"

Henry can't help but smile. "I do."

And then he does the unthinkable. Braver than driving the car, braver than marching across a lacrosse field in chinos and topsiders. He takes his hand from on top of Alex's and slides it around his neck to lightly grip the hair at his nape and pull him into a kiss. It's sweeter than their frenzied passion the hot tub- it feels like Henry's first Real Kiss. Alex's lips are as soft as he remembered and the noise he makes in the back of his throat is swallowed quickly by his own lips. They kiss under the bright blue sky, and Henry finds that he doesn't even mind that Alex is a little sweaty from practice, because his arms are around his waist and he's murmuring against his lips a quiet _I love you, I love you, I love you,_ and when he pulls away he's smiling brighter than the sun, and he says breathlessly,

"So. What do you put in the contract for a real relationship?"

Henry only laughs, and kisses him again.


End file.
